The Friend Zone. We all know what it is, but in case you’ve been living in a cave for the last quarter of a century, it may be worth revisiting the subject for a moment. The term was first coined in a 1994 episode of, appropriately enough, Friends. It has come to mean that place someone can end up in when the person they are into doesn’t feel the same way.
It’s not a situation anyone relishes. The way songs make being in love sound, it should be the greatest feeling. And it can be, but it can also be the worst. If your crush doesn’t reciprocate, it can really be crushing. You can spend a lot of time cursing your luck and, if you’re not careful, it can bring out the worst in you. If you find that you’re always unlucky in love, it’s worth looking at why and seeing if there is anything you can change.
You’re Thinking About It Too Much
When it seems like everyone around you is either pairing off, settled down or happily single, it can feel lonely. You start to put the idea of being in love itself on a pedestal. And this governs the way you look at everything. A female acquaintance talks about their boyfriend and it feels like a brush-off. You turn every conversation around to why you’re single. A relationship isn’t something you can manufacture – it happens when two people hit it off.
You Feel Like You’re Owed A Relationship
Stop. Repeat after me: “Women don’t owe me anything. It’s great that I’m nice, but that’s not a magic password to their hearts.” Women are people; they have their own needs and their own tastes. Would you get into a relationship with a woman just because she was friendly? If you think you’re entitled to someone’s love because you’re nice, that’s not very nice of you.
It takes more than that, most importantly of all a “spark” of mutual attraction. Sometimes that isn’t there. It’s a shame, but if you feel you’re “owed” romantic affection, you need to understand love better. It’s not a bartering system.
You Don’t Take Care Of Yourself
At risk of sending out the message that people are shallow, sometimes how you look is at fault. Also, how you smell. You can be kind, smart and funny. You can be good-looking, too, but if your habits are off-putting none of that need matter. Do you smoke? Then a lot of potential paramours won’t want to kiss you. Get an e-cigarette, some Shoreditch Vape e-liquids or similar, and ditch the tobacco. It’s better for you and won’t put women off.
You Don’t Sell Yourself Well
There are a lot of guys out there who will tell you the best way to get female attention is behaving like you’re a king and they are possessions. No. Never. Don’t be that guy. But equally, don’t keep putting yourself down and assume that a woman will feel duty-bound to love you. Accentuate your good qualities. Be the best you – respectful, kind but never self-demeaning.
Take note – this is not a foolproof guide to getting women to love you. There is no such thing. They’ll make up their own minds on that, and it will happen when it happens. That may not be the most inspiring speech, but unrealistic expectations are a major reason why men end up disappointed.